Recently, Miss Molly has been feeling more sadistic and in the mood to break some of Her subs. Luckily for me, when I went to visit last week, She was only starting to feel what we both call "Malicious Molly."
She has a new torture toy, a bondage spreader, with a wheel that increases the distance between your legs with each turn. I'm not an athlete, or a professional dancer, or anything that would require me to have an abundance of flexibility in my legs. So, it didn't take long until I started to feel the tightness as my muscles, ligaments and tendons started stretching. Then for good measure, She turned it a half turn more.
My hands were tied behind my back, my legs bound to the spreader, my eyes shielded with a blindfold. She said very softly that it was too hot for Her to be in the play space, so She left me there to think.
There I was, naked and vulnerable, tied up and legs spread apart. I started to drift until I was lost in my own thoughts. How long will I be down here? How long can I stay like this? What's going to happen next?
When you're in bondage, it's at this point (probably 5 minutes in) that your mind starts to notice things. My feet are hanging off the end and that's a little uncomfortable. She tied my hands but not too tight, and I don't want them to come loose (and be punished) if I fidget. So I tense up. I move my legs slightly to try and ease the burn from being stretched. The blindfold isn't completely blocking my view. I can partially see down, which starts the cycle in my head all over again.
After what seems like 30 minutes (but in reality is only 10-15 minutes), she comes back down to check on me. I can hear her sitting on the edge of the bed. She asks me to explain my last post. I hesitate, stumble over a few words, and then give a muddled answer. This is something that I need to work on. I can type out paragraphs of ideas, but many times when I'm in front of my Mistress during a scene, I have trouble finding words to express. I'm sure She'll find a way to get the words out of me.
Next, She runs the nails that she had me pay for over my body. Of course, I'm jumpy because I can't see what's coming coming. It's a little tease, but also a reminder that I'm hers to torment and torture in whatever ways she deems appropriate. She doesn't need a physical collar to show her dominance. She has collared my mind and also my wallet.
Then it was time for some torture. A Wartenberg wheel and clothespins on my balls for good measure. Normally, I'm not a fan of the Wartenberg wheel, but it strangely took my mind off the burn in my legs, which were now starting to shake. The clothespins hurt coming off, and I was afraid she was going to pull them off zipper style, but I escaped that fate...for now.
Finally, she started to slowly turn the wheel until my legs were straight again.
And thus ended my bending/stretching session. No screaming, no tears, no begging for mercy. That day will come I'm sure. Miss Molly has already foreshadowed some things that will happen the next time around, but you never know with her mercurial mood.
She decided to bend me but not break me.
The day will come when I will break, and I'm not sure how I'll feel, but I know that Miss Molly will be there to put me back together. And when it happens, I'll be better and stronger for Her.
I'm titling this Part 1 because I'll have more to write about Findom as a practice and a philosophy.
When I started serving Miss Molly, our arrangement was based on domestic servitude. She allowed me to organize and clean in between sessions, and to an extent, that arrangement still exists. However, my role as Her submissive has grown to include many other things.
At first, Findom wasn't a huge kink that we discussed. I mentioned it in passing when we talked about how She wanted to grow her empire. Initially, I would send Her online gift cards for Her time and willingness to have a conversation. Sometimes I would send if She was having a bad day or a "just because."
That progressed into us playing games. We played our first retweet game together, and I was excited the whole time. I'm sure if you ask Her, she was excited when she saw that payoff show up. Recently, we played a game: for every new follower on Twitter and Instagram, I would send $2. She reached over 100 followers in a couple of days. By the way, I haven't paid that one off yet, for which I'm sure I'll catch hell.
Then something happened a few days ago. She was going to get her nails done and She posted online asking which set She should get. Of course, everyone voted for the claws!
Here's the catch. I was doing work around the dungeon, and She said, "By the way, I'm going to get my nails done and you're going to pay for them."
I was a little surprised and I tried my best to hide it, but I know She could see it on my face. This was the first time she told me I was going to pay for something. It was a little different because there was no conversation, no game, no play.
It was HOT!
Now don't get me wrong, if She wanted to, She could tie me up in her dungeon and take my wallet out for lunch and a spa day at any time. And she already had that idea because she teased that idea earlier.
Findom was never a big kink of mine, but She has found little ways to make it part of the fun and to show Her control over me. I haven't talked to Her about this yet, but I'm sure we will after this post.
Until next time,
Molly's Sub (I still need a better name)
P.S. Enjoy the new claws!
Greetings to anyone that may read this.
I’m one of Lioness Molly’s subs (perhaps I’ll have a shorter way of identifying myself in future posts), and She suggested that I write down my musings as I progress in my submission to Her. I’ll discuss some serious topics, but you’ll probably notice, for better or worse, that I write like a weird mash-up of Monty Python and Willy Wonka. On we go!
Lioness Molly and I had a conversation this weekend about our relationship, particularly what She would like to see from me.
An interesting observation She had is that since I’m relatively new in expressing my submissiveness, it’s looking for any possible outlet. Imagine a dam bursting and the water flowing anywhere it can penetrate. That’s me right now. I’ve gone from faucet drip to tidal wave in a matter of months. Okay, I went overboard with the water metaphors...
So, She wisely suggested that I write about what I’m experiencing during the process. It will help me channel my thoughts and emotions, so that I’m not always feeling all over the place, and She can keep track of me without the need to be in constant contact. Brilliant!
Here I am in my vulnerability, my thoughts and feelings laid before my Mistress and anyone else who might be interested in a submissive mind.
At some point I’ll go back to the beginning of how this all started, and how Lioness Molly and I crossed paths. That deserves its own post.
For now, I’ll say that I’m very pleased to serve Lioness Molly. She took a chance on me when She didn’t have to, and She’s allowed me to serve Her in ways that I hadn’t imagined when I called to discuss our current arrangement.
One thing that we did discuss this weekend was closeness. Call it intimacy or connectivity, but one of the things that I struggle with sometimes is feeling disconnected. I do have the privilege of serving Her in person, however, there is sometimes that feeling of discord. It’s like when you’re at a concert and you hear an instrument out of tune. A music simile!
Seriously though, I’m sure you (Domme or Sub) have experienced this? Even with someone close, you just feel that even though everything is going great, you feel distant or disconnected?
Some might call this “Domme/sub drop” and maybe that’s part of it, but I think it has to do with wanting to give up more of myself to Her and feeing like I’m not able to, or maybe it’s not the right time. Patience is something that I’m not great with, and remember my submissiveness went from a 1 to an 11 in a short period of time. We both have personal lives, so a 24/7 type of relationship isn’t possible, and She has other subs to tend to, so I know She needs time to devote to them, and most importantly, Herself. Nevertheless, I find myself thinking of ways to support, submit, and serve.
One of Her sayings is “All things in due time,” which sometimes makes me feel like the kid who wants to swim in the deep end of the pool but hasn’t yet learned how to swim. I feel ready to dive in and fully submit, but She knows what’s best for me and doesn’t want me in situations that I’m not equipped to handle. Wait, I already did the water metaphor thing.
Okay, sometimes I feel like the annoying kid in Star Wars (yes, I know his name is Anakin but I’m trying to not be too big of a nerd here) who desperately wants to be a Jedi, but Yoda basically says, “Not so fast, you could end up on the dark side.” Which is exactly what happens. Maybe Miss Molly is trying to prevent me from becoming submissive Darth Vader. Hmmmm. Okay this has officially gone off the rails!
Anyway, we had a conversation about those feelings and She was very understanding. She came up with some ideas for how to keep me feeling connected and how to express my submissiveness in healthy ways. One idea was writing, along with some other ideas that I will share, as she says “in due time.”
Thank you for reading (if you made it this far),