Greetings to anyone that may read this.
I’m one of Lioness Molly’s subs (perhaps I’ll have a shorter way of identifying myself in future posts), and She suggested that I write down my musings as I progress in my submission to Her. I’ll discuss some serious topics, but you’ll probably notice, for better or worse, that I write like a weird mash-up of Monty Python and Willy Wonka. On we go!
Lioness Molly and I had a conversation this weekend about our relationship, particularly what She would like to see from me.
An interesting observation She had is that since I’m relatively new in expressing my submissiveness, it’s looking for any possible outlet. Imagine a dam bursting and the water flowing anywhere it can penetrate. That’s me right now. I’ve gone from faucet drip to tidal wave in a matter of months. Okay, I went overboard with the water metaphors...
So, She wisely suggested that I write about what I’m experiencing during the process. It will help me channel my thoughts and emotions, so that I’m not always feeling all over the place, and She can keep track of me without the need to be in constant contact. Brilliant!
Here I am in my vulnerability, my thoughts and feelings laid before my Mistress and anyone else who might be interested in a submissive mind.
At some point I’ll go back to the beginning of how this all started, and how Lioness Molly and I crossed paths. That deserves its own post.
For now, I’ll say that I’m very pleased to serve Lioness Molly. She took a chance on me when She didn’t have to, and She’s allowed me to serve Her in ways that I hadn’t imagined when I called to discuss our current arrangement.
One thing that we did discuss this weekend was closeness. Call it intimacy or connectivity, but one of the things that I struggle with sometimes is feeling disconnected. I do have the privilege of serving Her in person, however, there is sometimes that feeling of discord. It’s like when you’re at a concert and you hear an instrument out of tune. A music simile!
Seriously though, I’m sure you (Domme or Sub) have experienced this? Even with someone close, you just feel that even though everything is going great, you feel distant or disconnected?
Some might call this “Domme/sub drop” and maybe that’s part of it, but I think it has to do with wanting to give up more of myself to Her and feeing like I’m not able to, or maybe it’s not the right time. Patience is something that I’m not great with, and remember my submissiveness went from a 1 to an 11 in a short period of time. We both have personal lives, so a 24/7 type of relationship isn’t possible, and She has other subs to tend to, so I know She needs time to devote to them, and most importantly, Herself. Nevertheless, I find myself thinking of ways to support, submit, and serve.
One of Her sayings is “All things in due time,” which sometimes makes me feel like the kid who wants to swim in the deep end of the pool but hasn’t yet learned how to swim. I feel ready to dive in and fully submit, but She knows what’s best for me and doesn’t want me in situations that I’m not equipped to handle. Wait, I already did the water metaphor thing.
Okay, sometimes I feel like the annoying kid in Star Wars (yes, I know his name is Anakin but I’m trying to not be too big of a nerd here) who desperately wants to be a Jedi, but Yoda basically says, “Not so fast, you could end up on the dark side.” Which is exactly what happens. Maybe Miss Molly is trying to prevent me from becoming submissive Darth Vader. Hmmmm. Okay this has officially gone off the rails!
Anyway, we had a conversation about those feelings and She was very understanding. She came up with some ideas for how to keep me feeling connected and how to express my submissiveness in healthy ways. One idea was writing, along with some other ideas that I will share, as she says “in due time.”
Thank you for reading (if you made it this far),